Browsing online for literary new releases, I was riveted by a title: "Things I Overheard While Talking to Myself" by actor Alan Alda (star of 1970s show MASH).  The concept was birthed after a near-death experience, and in it he quotes the Roman Emperor Marcus Aurelius, "All we have is now." Alan Alda poignantly recounts some of his best moments with favorite people, particularly his daughters and grandchildren.

I read excerpts of the book, and found worthy thoughts.  For instance, Alda writes of a time early on when he took his infant daughter Eve with him to the set of a play.   Soon, Eve was surrounded by actors cooing to the bewildered baby.  When she wailed, Alda ran and hugged her, and she was content again.  He remembers:  "The actors tried to entertain her, because entertaining is what we do.  But she hadn't needed entertainment, she'd needed safety.  Years later, I wondered if I had given in too many times to the same actor's impulse."  From that experience, he writes:  "I had always been moved by Alan Jay Lerner's lyric from Camelot's 'How to Handle a Woman.' The way to handle a woman, he said, was to love her, simply love her. Love her. Love her. It took me a while to figure out that that's probably the best way to handle a child, too."  Wow.  That was real and down-to-earth.

But on many levels, it is the title that has me completely engaged.  I wish I had thought of that!  The title has brought me out of myself, even just to review if what I think about in the course of a day would be edifying -- or just plain embarrassing.  I must say I flip-flop between those two categories, even on a good day.  Most times are ugly times when a loud speaker up in my head would be the embarrassment of a lifetime. 

That makes me think about why God said in Philippians 4:8, "Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable – if anything is excellent or praise-worthy – think about these things."  What a reminder – and one that many might find impossible to follow!  But God DOES know our frame and our tendency to think negatively.  The spirit of Philippians 4:8 has a note of calm exhortation, not whiplash, military-style command.  God understands this to be a process, slow and often painstaking. 

It also carries an invitation to make a CHOICE.  The word "whatever" is used not with the generic scorn of a teenager but with the gentle implication of choices.  God has His hand on many beautiful things -– family, friends, creation, and ALL that He is. But we are myopic.  We focus on negative thoughts.  God's invitation is to flip around and see Him. The Greek text emphasizes that "whatever is true" is actually "whatever is TRUTHFUL", a core-deep word that points to the very heart of God.  God is TRUTHFUL.  He is TRUTH.  All that we have in Him IS truth.  Interestingly, when we choose to think on these, God Himself goes on military mode: He guards our hearts and minds in Christ Jesus (Philippians 4:7).  "Guard" is a military term to signify a sentinel keeping active watch over camp. We become a well-garrisoned stronghold, with peace inside.

These aren't things I overhear when I eavesdrop on myself, I'm afraid.  Instead, I'd hear envy, anger, exasperation, worry, fear, indifference, pride, impatience and other not-so-praiseworthy-or-excellent stuff.  But I'm learning.  2 Corinthians 10:5 reminds me that I should "take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ."  It takes practice to have something become a lifestyle.  Obedience gets easier as I get to know my Christ and He unfolds Himself to me.

I take something else from Alan Alda's book, too: in a way, all I have is now.  This very moment –- the very instant when I realize that I am not on platform with Philippians 4:8 -- then I must turn my mind around.  I do not know what I'll think about tomorrow, or even the next hour.  I only know NOW as I lay myself captive to the obedience of my Lord.  I'll try to keep my ear close to the ground -– or close to my heart –- so that "things I overhear when I talk to myself" will not be so bad. 

I love that my home has repeatedly been called “gracious”.  Being with friends and family and having them feel that they too have a place where they can experience the peace and blessings we have, brings to me more than a sense of gratification – it fulfills my desire to allow God to shine where I am, through what He has given, and in what He has made me to be.  I feel happy about that.

This past summer, I had a record share of friends who came to stay with us for more than a couple of days.  August was a particularly social time, as three waves of guests had come almost one on top of the other.  And in a fascinating way (to me), these three waves of friends in fact represent various aspects of my life.

Part Three:  Friends on a journey with me

Marivic Agapito came to us on a week-long stay during the first part of August.  She is Arnold’s sister-in-law, married to older brother Eric (a veterinarian).  Marivic is herself a nurse, and she came here to the US to explore job possibilities and eventually move her whole family here.  As we spent days and evenings talking about our hopes and struggles, I began to see myself in Marivic – having the same dreams yet often bogged by the same apprehensions, almost tasting the fruit of all that we’ve worked so hard for but at the same time feeling it so far away still.  Contradictions are often juxtaposed with each other, and on that score we bonded even more.

Marivic, therefore, represents my present.  Our bid to become permanent residents of the US is a long drawn-out process that we haven’t extricated ourselves from yet.  I feel there’s a lot of unfairness attached to the whole rigmarole, but I won’t go into that just now.  I just know that major hopes we have are hoisted upon that goal, and forward-looking though we try to be, the quest is disheartening sometimes.  But only sometimes … because as far as this road is traveled, there are really incredible gifts along the way that keep us going from point A to point B, with as much aplomb that we can muster.  Point Z can’t really be that far off.

Right after Marivic’s visit, our friends Pastor Philip and Rica Tarroja came.  I was ecstatic!  This couple is special to us because it was Pastor Philip who wedded me and Arnold almost 17 years ago, and Rica stood with me on my wedding.  The running joke while they were here was that they were glad to see that I have not driven Arnold away – but Philip said in that dry humor of his, “You sure have driven him crazy, though.”  Let me say, therefore, that the Tarrojas represent my past.

They knew me in those days (college, 1983-1987) when I was heady with a sense of “invincibility”, and I was arrogant and headstrong.  I hope “obnoxious” wasn’t a term they’d have easily used, but in some instances I probably deserved that epithet, too.  And dear precious Arnold -- the Tarrojas knew Arnold back in those days when he was just … being Arnold.  My husband has never been anything but wonderful and steady and calm and dignified, with a kind of patience that oddly drove me to impatience sometimes.  And all these Philip and Rica took in, and had to laugh when they realized that things really have not changed, except that I’ve mellowed a little bit, and Arnold is still Arnold.  And I would like to think that they think that I’ve gained an ounce of wisdom here and there, too.  Maybe.

Overlapping the Tarrojas’ all-too-brief visit was the coming of “my” Dallas kids.  This is the set of young people, most of them graduates of Christ for the Nations Institute in Texas, who come to stay with me for at least part of each time they come here to our area.  Two of them, Jakob and Matthew, are boys of my best friend Michelle.  Flesh and blood they may not be to me, but they come as close as anyone can to being my own nephews.  Jake recently got married to Leah, and now they’re expecting a baby.  I try not to sound too pleased, but I’m glad Michelle will be a “grammie” first before me – and since Leah is part Filipina, it has become so much fun to torture Michelle with the thought that her grandchild will probably look like me.  (You should see her “God, what have I ever done to deserve this?!” look.  Teehee.)

I loved having the Dallas kids here.  And as I sat in the kitchen having a little cuppa with them, I began to see how they represent my future, or what it could be.  My own boys will be like Jake – they will get married and have children of their own, and I will be a grammie.  I will be so proud and happy to see my children love God the way Jake does, turning to Him for guidance and just experiencing His favor in every way.  Already my boys look up to Jake as they would to an older brother, and I'm glad to curry that attachment.  Jake is daily growing into the responsibilities of a man, and he’s doing it with grace and a style all His own, but with the blessing of God.

In a way, these young people close the circle for me.  There is not one point in a timeline that one part does not affect the other.  The past leaves it mark on the present; the present will touch the future.  Decisions made, promises broken, dreams made or lost – each moment counts as something unto eternity.  It’s a sobering thought, because it premises now to me that I am here where I am, with all blessings and trials I face, doing what I know to do, all for a reason.  We can counsel young people because we’ve been where they are; we’ve learned from times both certain and not.  We can hold hands with those waiting for an answer for something because we have similar queries ourselves.  And we can laugh or be whimsical with others because we have seen some aspect of life together – and life still turned out okay.  God’s grace will not leave anyone wanting – so long as we have the courage to step out and move forth with Him. 

And the best part of it is, He lets us do that with friends.   

This summer was a chock-full of home renovation projects -- an expensive and time-consuming engagement but all worth it, because this is where Arnold and I will grow old and probably play with grandchildren, if the Lord doesn’t bring us to His heavenly home (a far greater mansion, to be sure!) yet.  Read on to see how home renovations consumed my summer.  This has been a lesson in patience … and yes, contentment that has finally settled into a real kind of joy.

Part Two.  My castle is not perfect, but it’s mine

Our home renovation has actually run a course of two and a half years already.  First, we worked on expanding from a tiny 3-bedroom house with the ugliest kitchen you ever saw and the most rundown bathroom there ever was, into a spacious 7-bedroom, 3-bath home with a lovely kitchen.  That was about two years ago, and once we’ve beautified the inside, work on the house began to move outside.  This summer was especially reserved for improving the curb appeal of the house, non-existent to begin with. That meant doing major landscaping, concretizing the long driveway, and dressing up the deck into an outdoor room.  That last one is a work in progress.

LANDSCAPING.  This most trying project of all proves something about me: my thumb is far from green.  It’s rather an orange-purple shade.  Although we had someone do the landscaping for us, during maintenance I managed to kill a young tree (an evergreen, no less!) and wreak havoc on a bed of lilies.  The new lawn didn’t quite take, either: right now, it’s patchy and far from manicured. Hardy weeds are having a party. While I can always blame the very dry spell we’ve had, it may be that I’m just too much of a scrooge to let the water run for hours on end.  So in the end, blame falls on me: I went against experienced advice.  Autumn was the best time to plant, but impatience got the better of me.  I insisted on summer gardening, but wasn’t willing to do the extra investment. I hope I can make up for it this fall.

POURING CONCRETE.  This was more expensive than I thought it would be … but the end-product is great.  Our driveway is long and wide (1498 sq.ft.), and had gravel that tortured the soles of those who walked upon it.  Now it’s elegantly paved, and draws attention away from the horrendous lawn.  Distraction DOES work! People comment on our driveway, but not on the lawn.  Or maybe they’re just too polite to say something about the evil-looking lawn.  That wouldn’t surprise me either.    

DECK.  This is fun to do, and as I said, it’s a work in progress.  Our 20 x 20 deck deserved attention, or it would be just wasted space.  I’ll let you know how that’s going, if there’s anything to tell at all.  We’re waiting for fall sales before we shop for patio stuff.  See … I’ve already wised up: wait for the right season, and you have better chance for success.

All these were projects this summer, plus a few indoor fine-tuning.  This is our home -- we’ve put in our blood, sweat and tears (and money) on it. But more than that, we’re building memories … and taking stock of life lessons.  Have a plan.  Don’t freak out about timetables. Compromise to ensure peace.  Let everyone have input, they’ll love the outcome even more.  Water your lawn.  Make plans to properly vent a teenage boy’s bedroom. Have fun.  And don’t you believe for a second that your husband doesn’t have creative instincts for a really dramatic kitchen. 

This summer’s big lesson:  Don’t care so much about what people say.  I say that because our house is right along Main Street, and people see all the work that happens on our property. It’s a small community; people would jokingly come up and say, “Ah, doctor doesn’t know what to do with his money, eh?”  Worse would be, “Oh, is this what we pay (Arnold as their doctor) you for?”  That comment came when we had the grand piano brought in.  People saw and whispers came.  Comments like that can hurt sometimes, but in fairness, they could be just be for fun and not mean anything beyond tactlessness.  I’ve learned not to sweat the small stuff.  But the flipside of this lesson is that people really are watching us, and are curious about us … and always, the big picture is that we have a testimony to uphold.  We had better not mess that one up.

Another thing that struck me was statements from people who said that homeowners normally work on the outside first, then move on to improving the inside, so that the market appeal of the home would immediately be apparent. I hold no statistics on that one, and really do not find any bearing in it for me.  Not only were we NOT looking to sell the house, but we wanted the inside nice and comfy before tackling the outside, because inside is where we would be all the time anyway. (Besides, who cares if the lawn is ugly in winter?)  Then it occurred to me: that is how many people live their lives – beautiful on the outside, in shambles inside. I do not say that in a judgmental way, but that is reality.  Human nature puts prime value on market appeal.

I do not want to theologize on this too much.  But just think: God’s work in us is truly from the inside out.  He makes His home in us, and He wants the inside beautiful according to how He sees it.  This is until such time as, through His tireless work, outside reflects the beautiful changes inside.  The working of the Holy Spirit is from glory to glory, after all.

So … I won’t worry about my lawn.  It is ugly right now, but I know we will have time to work and devote much love and caring on it as well.  (I’ll not scrimp on water this time.)  Inside, we have a home that spells comfort to all who live there, and a welcome to those who visit.  We’re not done with the house – reflective, really, of how God has not finished His work in our lives. 

(Part Three ... soon, but no promises:  Friends.)